Alcohol??

Ok confession time: I've been eating a lot of sugar. Like, way too much. While Yossi was in miluim I'd end every day with ice cream, and most of what I ate during the day was cake and cookies. (My amazing neighbors would bring over all sorts of baked goods, it was wonderful! But you know, not healthy.)

So one evening I'm staring into my open fridge and thinking that I really need to stop with the sugar, right? So I was wondering what I should replace it with, and for a second I was like, ooh, what about wine? And it actually took me a few seconds to remember that alcohol is not a healthy addiction either 😂😂😂

Testimonies

So for a long time I avoided reading, hearing, and seeing anything that happened on October 7th 2023. But tonight I went to Jerusalem to hear a couple from Beeri talk about their experience.

It was a talk organized by Q4 הרבעון הרביעי, which is an excellent organization that I've been taking part in. It took place on King George street right next to where the protests take place, the idea being that people can come listen after joining the protest.

The crazy part is that this was the first time I've actually heard firsthand about anything that happened. I guess I was just too preoccupied with Lebanon and didn't have the headspace? Like, whatever happened has already happened, there will be time to learn about it later. Yossi is on the Lebanese border and that's what matters to me right now. Anyway next I need to go to the hostage square in Tel Aviv.

I need some time to process the actual talk before I write about it.

Words

Words that people (on the internet) use which immediately make me question their trustworthiness:

Colonialist

משיחי

Ethnic cleansing

Genocide (or my favorite: "genocidal")

And honestly it doesn't matter who's saying it. These words just make you look cheap, you know?

Effects of War

 Besides for death and destruction and anxiety, here are some effects of war that aren't obvious:

1. Asking people how they're doing and really meaning it.

2. No GPS, reading actual maps in advance to know where you need to go.

3. Everyone's just so vulnerable. It's pretty normal to see someone holding back tears randomly on the street.

4. Fewer wireless microphones. No joke! My acapella group will be performing next week, we were going to use cordless mics but there are 30 of us and it turns out we can't go cordless because there aren't enough available frequencies. As in, the frequencies are being used for the war.

5. Also, I've been yelling at my kids more than I should. At this point I'm sure it'll affect their development down the road.

6. Divorces. Or at least separations. I keep hearing of more couples who just aren't managing to hold it together - the stress is too high, or their experiences are so different and they just can't bridge the gap. I hope it's temporary, but people are going to need a lot of counseling in order to get through this.

I don't follow the news.

So how do I know what's happening?

It's a puzzle you can piece together from things you experience:

1. Lots of guys are being called up North? We're expecting a threat from Lebanon.

2. Planes are taking off to the east? They never do that, it's the direction of the wind. There must be rocket threat along the coast.

3. I go to Hod Hasharon and Waze says I'm in Beirut? We're expecting GPS-guided missiles from Lebanon. In Tel Aviv and Waze says I'm in Amman? We're expecting a threat from Iran (*or somewhere east of us).

4. Commercial flights over Givot Eden? Flying in Nothern Israel must not be safe, so flights are diverted in our direction. 

5. Also the opposite is true: news says that Iran will strike any day, but no update from the home front command? It's all talk. See, when there's a real threat you always get an update from the home front command.

I'm sure I'll think of more, I'll add them as I go.

How do you know my husband is off at war?

His side of the bed is just a mountain of clean laundry waiting to be folded.

"יורד מזמינות"

I'm having a new experience now. Most of my friends have already had this sometime during the war, but not me. Yossi's phone is disconnected until further notice.

Generally in war you want to keep your phone off so it can't be tracked. When the army first went into Gaza all the soldiers left their phones back in Israel and got them back when they came out. But since Yossi never left Israel he's had his phone the whole time - like at the beginning he was on the Lebanese border, so sometimes he didn't have reception, but most of the time I could reach him. Sometimes he was offline for a few hours at a time because they had some mission or activity, but it usually lasted less than a day. Then we he was in Gaza in the summer the IDF already had a proper base there so soldiers could keep their phones.

Now, for the first time, he's offline. It's been three days and it seems like it'll be at least a few more days, possibly weeks. For lots of my friends this was the experience at the beginning of the war. It must have been awful. In a weird way I'm ok with it - it's like it's out of my hands. No news is good news, I guess? What sucks is that the kids can't call him, and I know that for Lavi it's been really hard.

Then this morning I got a message from Yossi's friend from miluim, saying that he saw him and he looks good, and gave me a message from Yossi that he's doing ok and he loves me. Along with a picture - and he really does look good! And so now I'm not sure how I feel? Like, it's good to get a message, makes me feel like people care, and it's a relief to get good news. But now it's like, well how long will it be before I hear from him again?

Abba's Phone

Yossi has been offline since yesterday. I knew it was coming but I didn't explain it to the kids. Anyway today I took Lavi to pick up a package that Yossi ordered a while ago, and Lavi says, "Imma we should buy electricity for Abba!"

Me: What do you mean?

Lavi: We should buy him electricity so he can charge his phone at night and have battery in the morning.

I might have said "that's a really good idea!" But all I was thinking was how fucked up it is that my husband is away at war and the kids can't call him.

Dear Malcolm Gladwell

So Malcolm Gladwell has a podcast about Americans who have received the national medal of honor, and he tells war stories of bravery. And at the end of each episode he asks that if the listeners know a veteran they should send stories of bravery (and if you don't know a veteran you can send a story of a time bravery was contagious in your life). So I have lots of stories to tell.

Dear Malcolm,

I'm Alina, 34 years old, Israel. I've really been enjoying your podcast "Medal of Honor: stories of courage." As you probably know, my country has been at war for a year. It's discouraging and all-consuming, and listening to your podcast helps me keep a sense proportion because it's a reminder that all wars eventually end. It also makes me wonder what stories you'll tell about this war when you talk about it in twenty years. What will be the famous stories? Which stories will become movies? What events will become the 'untold' stories?

I'm writing because I know a veteran - my grandfather, Jack Halpert (who we called Zaidy) - who was an American Marine and fought in Japan in WWII. He passed away in 2003. He fought on Iwo Jima and had lots of war stories but I've only heard some of them. Anyway I have a story my grandmother told me from after the war: after Zaidy came home, he would meet up with his army buddies every so often - they became very close, as comrades do. Once he was at a bar with one of them (my grandmother couldn't remember his name, just the everyone called him "Junior"). The place was packed but they managed to get a seat at the bar, and at some point a man tapped Zaidy on the shoulder - the man couldn't reach the bar because the place was so busy so he handed Zaidy some cash and asked if Zaidy could please order him a beer, which he did of course. It happened to be a black man, and Junior was horrified that Zaidy would buy a beer for a black man. Junior left the bar and Zaidy never saw him again.

I don't know if that's a story of courage, but it's a story of humanity and it makes me proud to be the granddaughter of a man who saw all people as equal.

I was interested in the conversation with Meredith, which you added at the end of the season. It's interesting that you talk about war stories like something old and distant, but the truth is that people are people and the stories that happened then could easily happen now. Once many years ago I was fortunate to get invited to the Marine Corps Birthday Ball in Tel Aviv (every November the US Marines celebrate the establishment of the Marine Corps and have parties all over the world wherever Marines are stationed. I was in the IDF at the time serving in the foreign relations unit so I got an invite, it was pretty exciting). At the event an officer1 talked about twice in recent history when Americans went running to the recruitment offices - Pearl Harbor and 9/11. I'm sure if you asked any American before 9/11 if today, in 2001, seventeen-year-olds would be willing and able to go to war, they would laugh and say something about "today's spoiled kids." But those spoiled kids went, because people do crazy things when they meet crazy circumstances. And if the US suffered another attack today in 2024, people would go.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of courage this past year, because wars produce thousands of courageous moments. And still, people are people. I have many family members, friends, and neighbors in various combat units but I don't see them as heroes. I see them as devoted fathers and husbands who come home and immediately take the kids out to the park. Vulnerable people just like all of us.

As always, thank you for your fascinating insights,

Alina

In my mind

 In my mind I have conversations with the podcasts I listen to. Like, people say interesting things and I want to respond!

So this week I wrote to Adam Grant ("ReThinking"), because he used an example about Israel in a recent episode (an interview with Trevor Noah about context). It wasn't really about Israel, it was about the context of a tweet he wrote at the beginning of the war.

Next I want to write to Malcolm Gladwell, because he has a podcast about war heroes and I have lots to say about that!

I also want to make a reel for Shai Daviadi responding to his podcast "Here I Am." He actually suggested on Instagram that people respond with reels - I guess it boosts his exposure, which I'm happy to do. I just have to write out what I want to say.

Jewish Lightening Round

 In his new podcast, Prof. Shai Davidai does a lightning round at the end of every episode, and I want a go at answering his questions:

1. What is one thing people don't know about you?
• I get terrible anxiety, but it only really started when Lavi was born in 2019 so I haven't ever dealt with it properly.
2. What is one thing people don't know about the Jews?
• I live among Jews so I don't know what "people" think. Maybe people don't know our cultural history? Secular Jews might not even know. Judaism has two thousand years of history, literature, food, philosophy, music... It's a really fascinating and rich culture.
3. What's your favorite curse?
• Fuckeddy-fuck-fuck. I think I heard someone say that at summer camp when I was fifteen, like they were excited to be away from home and curse as much as they wanted, and I sort of adopted it. I hardly say it out loud, just to myself.
4. When was the last time you cried?
• In the shower the other day. Just a bit. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and kept thinking about how I'm failing my kids with every decision I make.
5. If you could have anyone over for shabbat dinner, from any time in history, who would it be?
• Good question. I have to think about that. Someone who's met lots of people of different sorts. Like Malcolm Gladwell or something.
6. Favorite holiday?
• I mean, Hanukka? It's the yummiest.
7. Least favorite holiday?
• Hmm the ones I spend at my in-laws?
8. When do you feel safest?
• It used to be my parents' house, but I was there on Oct 7th and all day long we could hear explosions, and it's been going on ever since. So not so safe anymore. Maybe now it's my own bedroom? When Yossi is home sleeping next to me.
9. When do you feel least safe?
• Driving on the highway, when I see suspicious things in the sky? Like trails that could only be left by rockets, or planes flying in the wrong direction. Knowing that if something falls on the road there's nothing I can do.
10. What gives you hope?
• The Israeli people. When I meet Israelis I get confident that we're going to be ok, because there are so many wonderful people here and this isn't just going to disappear. 

Anxiety is weird

On the one hand, I'm perfectly fine right now. I'm safe in my home, my family is here, I have food and water. I even have a bomb shelter equipped with some food, a first aid kit, and a battery-powered radio that can also charge phones.

On the other hand, we're fighting a war on six fronts (seven? I've lost count), it's violent and horrible and it's only getting worse. We're losing allies. We're going to lose sovereignty, and then what?

I'm thankful to be Canadian, at least I have somewhere to go.

What's actually stopping me from getting on a plane right now?

• Budget? Well, that's something that we can take care of
• The kids have camp? So what, they can leave
• Yossi has work? He can work from anywhere
• I have a beautiful new home that I'm putting so much effort into? Shame
• Lavi has tonsil surgery booked? We can do that in Canada. Also physio and everything else.

I really need some hope and optimism right now.

Father's Day 2024

 Nothing I can do will be enough to express my gratitude to Yossi on this year's father's day.

I know this will sound anti-feminist, but I think we've reached a point where fathers are the ones carrying the whole load again. Like we've come full circle. I know this isn't true for everyone, but in my marriage *he* does most of the work.

Full time job (gets paid more than me), and also home with the kids. Pick-up, drop-off, dinner, bath time, bedtime, going to the park. Cooking meals (he's a better cook than me), washing dishes, taking out the garbage. Calling the carpenter, setting the smart-home apps, calling the contractor, ordering furniture. And not to mention war. Going off to fight in a fucking war, bullets, missiles, watching people get injured, trauma, all around horrific experiences. Risking his life because he's a soldier and that's what you do.

Other fathers are great I'm sure, but no one else comes close.

Shadow of War

I've been thinking a lot about my great grandmother who was living in Berlin when WWII broke out. I wonder what her experience was like and if mine is similar?

I always learned about the war knowing that my great grandfather was in Poland when it started, and then he eventually travelled to Canada through Japan and met up with his wife and daughter Eva (my grandmother) in Vancouver in 1945. Six years. I know they were in touch, but how often? When they weren't in touch, how did my great grandmother feel? Did my grandmother know what was going on? Did she miss her father? 

When the war started I'm sure that people in Berlin felt safe. Germany invaded Poland, so the war was happening in Poland. Berlin was fine. Sure, there was antisemitism, but no one thought it would be physically unsafe for Jews to go on living in Germany. I'm sure it was scary to know that there was a war, but they all probably thought it wouldn't last long. And then as Germany invaded more and more countries and other countries started fighting back it probably got scarier. But people couldn't believe that there would be another big war so soon after the Great War -- it was still fresh in most people's memory! Just like most people today remember 9/11 very well. And even once it became clear that this was a world war, I'm sure no one thought it would go on for so long. People probably had an idea in their mind that it would be less than four years, because the last war lasted four years and this can't possibly be worse than that!

Imagine how anxious my great grandmother must have been. Her partner was on the run. At some point she decided to move to London with my grandmother. What made her decide to move? How bad do things have to get before you decide to leave your home and your partner and go to a foreign country? How often were they in touch then? Did she accept that she had to parent alone? Did she have support from family or a community? I'm sure she never imagined that it would be six years before she'd be reunited with her husband. That's a long time to hold your breath. How did she cope? I bet she felt guilty about leaving him, about taking her daughter away from home. And when they left London for Vancouver that could not have been an easy decision to make. Did she think she'd move back to Berlin one day? Back to London? Did she mean to leave Europe forever? And when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, did she feel safe in Vancouver?

It's one thing to look at the outcome, at how they all survived and built themselves a beautiful life in Vancouver, but what about the process? Living with this much uncertainly is horrible, sometimes it's like I can't breathe.

And what about me? Do I stay here in Israel with the kids? Might they be safer somewhere else? I couldn't possibly leave Yossi here, but every time I think about European Jews in the holocaust I wonder why they didn't just leave? Eventually it was too late to leave, they were trapped in ghettos or else other countries just wouldn't take them in, but at the beginning of the war they could still leave and they chose to stay. Now I understand why. We have a beautiful new house that holds so much hope for the future, but not if it's going to be bombed or attacked. We live right next to the security fence, which until eight months ago wasn't a problem but now it's very worrying. Are we the next Nir Oz? Do we need to fear rockets from Surif?

So I put myself in my great grandmother's shoes and I wonder if I have the courage to do what she did. Maybe everything will be fine and my family will stay here and still survive this? What about my marriage? I never thought I'd have to ask myself these questions.

Sinwar's Plan

 A lot of people are trying to guess what Sinwar's plan was. I think lots of those theories are correct. So what was his plan?

First of all, we know his goal. It's to end the Jewish sovereignty of Israel. It's the purest form of anti-Zionism; like he doesn't want the state of Israel to exist as a sovereign entity at all. And he's patient -- he knows it might not happen right away, but it's still his goal.

He knows he can't achieve that with weapons alone, so what can he do? Well first, if enough countries join him in the war then he might have enough weapons. He can join Hizballah, Iran, and the Houthis, who all have the same goal. Thankfully many other Arab nations who used to have that goal, don't anymore. So we're relatively lucky there. But still, it worked for him. They all joined. But as of May they aren't using their full power, so what will it take to make them use all their power against Israel? Maybe the part he didn't anticipate was Biden's "Don't" speech. Biden knew exactly was Sinwar wants and that speech was probably the smartest thing he could do.

*Just to be clear - I think many people around the world thought that Oct 7 was about the Palestinians. We Israelis knew that it was part of a much bigger picture, but it wasn't clear to everyone (it still isn't). So I'm really glad Biden caught on right away.

But say Hamas can't get rid of Israel with war alone, where does the plan go from here? Well to get rid of Israel they'd have to delegitimize the country completely. Turns out there are lots of ways to delegitimize a country, and unfortunately they're all underway.

1. World opinion. Well this one's easy - just show pictures of suffering Gazans on the news. Horrific numbers of civilian deaths. Let social media do the rest. As Netanyahu put it: "for Hamas, civilian deaths aren't a tragedy -- they're a strategy."

2. Legal action. Get Israel leadership to be charged with breaking international law. If the war is unlawful, Israel loses its credibility. Hamas can help further this cause by making sure that civilians die -- they can build bases and offices underneath hospitals, for instance, or stop food and water from getting to refugees.

3. Isolation. This one is on its way too. At first the USA was right here with us, but as time goes on we're losing the support of our biggest ally. Most of Europe is still on our side, but even that won't last forever. At this point there are protests all over American campuses and it looks like the American society is more split than ever. It's only a matter of time until things get violent, and if America has a civil war then it's going to forget about Israel.

4. Israeli civil war. It doesn't even have to be a war, just enough of a divide that the country basically falls apart. Hamas doesn't have to lift a finger, this might happen on its own.

Once they achieve all that, maybe some Iranian nuke can finish us off, and maybe it won't have to.

I think that's where we're going. I want to be optimistic but it's getting really really hard. I know exactly what Sinwar's plan was and it's going even better than he imagined.

Media Bias

I just find it so fascinating, and I want to talk to someone about it - like this article for example, published on CNN on October 12th:

https://edition.cnn.com/2023/10/12/middleeast/gaza-airstrikes-warnings-invs/

The facts are all true (as far as I know), and yet it reads like Israel is a powerful opressor and Gazans are weak and helpless. I wonder if the readers ask themselves questions while they read the article?

It says that there are tunnels for Hamas but the civilians have no bomb shelters - couldn't Hamas build shelters with the same concrete used for tunnels? Couldn't Hamas build a warning system?

According to the article, Israeli military is responsible for warning Gazans of incoming bombs. They get a phone call. A "rare" phone call. Is that the problem? That it's "rare"? Is the problem that it comes from the Israeli military? Are armies supposed to give warning when they bomb?

I'm not saying it's fun to get a call telling you that your house it going to be bombed. It's not. It's like when Hamas announces that they're going to shoot rockets at 6pm. You don't think "aw thanks for the heads up!".. It feels more like your boss telling you "we need to talk" and scheduling a meeting for the next day.

Gaza should have a warning system and bomb shelters, that's what a responsible government does.

The Hamas Charter

Hey echo chamber! How many pro-Palestinians do you think have actually read the Hamas charter?

https://www.palestine-studies.org/sites/default/files/attachments/jps-articles/2538093.pdf

Like, I lead a fairly conservative life but my world view is liberal and usually I relate to the liberal way of thinking. But right now I can't for the life of me relate to the language used by the liberal West. 

Here's just one quote from the Hamas charter:

"The initiatives conflict, what are called "Peaceful Solutions" and "International Conferences" to solve the Palestinian problem. As far as the ideology of the Islamic Resistance Movement isconcerned, giving up any part of Palestine is like giving up part of its religion. The nationalism of the Islamic Resistance Movement is part of its religion, in that it educates its members, and they perform Jihad to raise the banner of Allah over their nation."

Tell me more about how the Palestinian leadership is interested in a two-state solution..?

New Years Resolutions

 So Hamas fired rockets at midnight on New Years. What's their goal? Most of the rockets don't kill or injure anyone, just scare the hell out of everybody and create all sorts of fun PTSD. It's sick.

Anyway I had this crazy idea to make goals for myself for the new year, maybe if I list them here I can focus on getting them done. Because these past few months have made me rethink a lot of what I want from life. My priorities have shifted I guess? Like, my job isn't interesting, that's for sure, and I don't really care because an interesting job really isn't important when you're at war. But also there are truly important things I could be doing with my time, so maybe I should try to do those?

* Diversity: I should work on creating diversity in the workplace and in the army. That would really benefit Israeli society. Women and men, a variety of races, ages, religious views. It's so important.

* Programming: this goal is more personal. I just really need to properly learn C++.

* Sex education: I'm convinced that better sex education would make the world a better place all around. By sex-ed I mean everything from how fertility works, sex and pleasure, contraception, biology in general, sexual orientation, gender identity, consent, relationships and how to recognize red flags in a partner or in yourself. It's not just a lecture you give to teenagers, right? It's a full class that starts in elementry school and goes all throughout high school. I know that conservative societies will have a hard time with it, so the content can be made to fit whatever the society is willing to accept - as long as the information taught is true. For instance, there's no reason that girls shouldn't be taught the basics of fertility awareness even in the most traditional communities.

"If Hamas were out in the battle fields then Israel could kill them, but if Hamas violates the laws of war then Israel has to give them immunity"

Just something I heard on the Unholy podcast. It's crazy that it's true.

 "If Hamas were out in the battle fields then Israel could kill them, but if Hamas violates the laws of war then Israel has to give them immunity."

Not crazy?

What does it mean to have a "reservist" army?

Israel sees military casualties differently from the rest of the world. Other countries see military deaths as less problematic, but we see each soldier as an individual and to us its no different from civilian casualties.

Listen to a few minutes of "Unholy" where Jonathan describes this phenomenon (from 22:18 for about two minutes):

The reason for this is the fact that our army service is mandatory and that the majority of the army is reserve forces.