Trolling

Have I mentioned that internet trolling is my new fun hobby? I like to respond to anti-Israel commenters on Instagram and Facebook, it fills my days with meaning ><

I try to only post comments on Israeli/Jewish pages because I want to boost engagement on their posts, so if someone writes something rude or wrong or anti-Israel I'll respond. Also, sometimes I write on random international parts of the internet. Like, for the people out there who know nothing - here's a taste of what being Israeli is actually like. For instance, I'm kinda proud of this comment I left in a group called "Dull Men's Club:"

The group is for people (not just men) to post silly and mildly-interesting things they notice. It's quite cute, all kids of distracting content that's usually somewhat entertaining. This one post was about bus stops somewhere in northern Ireland (maybe? Don't remember), where they build cement structures to block the wind in case of severe storms. This Trevor guy said it looked like rocket launchers (it didn't, but fine), and I took the bait and responded with a picture of a migunit in Sderot. I thought I'd get hate comments, but here are just 5 random people who saw my picture and learned something new. Maybe they'll remember it? Maybe when someone mentions the war in Gaza they'll be able to say something about Palestinians shooting rockets into Israeli cities?

Living in War

I don't remember how much of this I've actually written here, but I need to write my experience so I don't forget. Here's a short journal of the end of 2023.

When Yossi was called up on October 7th at 11:00am I was left without a husband and without a house. I lived with my kids at my parents. We'd moved in a few weeks earlier and were planning to stay until mid October but we ended up living there until December.

For the first two weeks there was no school or kindergarten. It wasn't safe to have a large group of children in one place - what if there was an air raid? Could the teachers get them all into the safe room on time? What if a terrorist broke in and just started shooting kids? We didn't know how far Hamas had gotten, only that they had been invading cities near Gaza. Had they continued on foot further into Israel? The roads were empty, people were mostly staying home. There were police and army blockades everywhere to make sure that there was no Hamas left within Israeli borders. What about the West Bank? Would Palestinians join Hamas and invade from all across the fence?

A few days into the war, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, the Home Front app had a notification saying to get into the bomb shelter. Usually that sort of notification comes with an air raid siren and goes off in specific areas, but this was a notification for everyone all over the country. We locked the doors and windows and got in the mamad. I was sure that terrorists had infiltrated the entire country. My parents live at the edge of the city so we'd be the first line of fire. Then the Home Front sent an apology saying it was a false alarm. WTF? That doesn't help with the anxiety.

I wasn't eating. I could barely feed and bathe the kids. Thankfully my parents were active, and Yaira was living with us with her kids, so between the four adults the kids were being taken care of. Mommy was cooking food for soldiers. I couldn't bring myself to do anything.

Teenagers in my parents' neighborhood started offering babysitting help for free, which was wonderful. Every afternoon they'd bring toys to the shul and invite all the kids to play. I would go and find Amy there with her kids, and Elianna with hers, and Naomi Berman with hers, and Rivky with Betzalel and Adin. There was a sense of community. Also nostalgia just from being back at the place I grew up with the friends I grew up with. Amy said that Ari was a paramedic and he'd been doing shifts since October 7th - so he wasn't called into the army, but he was away too getting his own dose of trauma.

Abba started working on our house. He was working on an Air Force base at the time doing a construction project, but the base was closed to civilians so he was home, and of course he was going crazy doing nothing. So he went to our new house and started putting in the air conditioning. It was surreal. I would go to the house to help, and I'd call the tile company and the carpenters and I went out to buy paint for the kids' bedrooms and all the while I was thinking, "what if my house is bombed tomorrow? What if other Arab countries join the war and close in on all sides and Israel can't protect me? If Yossi dies and I'm left alone?" What's the point in building a new house?

I kept watering my house plants, and the plants I'd already planted in the garden (I'd sprouted sweet peas and they were growing along the fence in the backyard). What for? What's the point if we all die?

Eventually Yossi started coming home for short breaks. The first time he came back was on Wednesday night, a week and a half into the war. Longest week and a half of my life. He arrived Wednesday evening and was off to base again on Thursday morning. Later he'd come home for longer periods of time. And each time he left again I cried. Like, proper ugly crying. Every time. I knew it could be the last time.

Once schools started again we got into a routine. I'd get the kids up in the morning (we all shared a room), they'd have breakfast and I'd make lunch for Lavi, and then we'd all get in the car and I'd put on some podcast (for myself). It would take almost half an hour to get to Neve Michael and Givot Eden, then I'd go to the house to work. By this point we'd set up wifi and I could work from the kitchen. We didn't have chairs, I sat on a stepladder. I didn't go into the office until November, but I'd join meetings on Teams. One day I got an email about a colleague's son who was killed in Gaza. Then I went into a meeting. You think I could concentrate on the meeting? Please.

I started meeting neighbors. Lavi would make friends at gan and I'd meet the parents. Well, the mothers, because the fathers were all off at war. One evening I sat in the living room, on the dusty floor with no rug or couch, and Lavi took out Lego to play with Ido. Ruchama came with Shahak and he hung out with Yuvali. I'm sure Ruchama and I were both trying to be present in the situation but were we? It was so surreal. I'd take the kids out to the park. Neighbors would show up with snacks, sometimes with dinner. No men. Maybe one or two men, like Akiva and Yedidya, who gave the sense of normal life even though it wasn't. We didn't talk about the war. From the park we could hear distant explosions - either missiles landing in the Shfela, or interceptions, or artillery and air strikes in Gaza. Yeah, we could hear Gaza even 60 kilometers away because of the way the topography works in this region.

One Friday night I woke up at 3:00am with Yuvali. When I got her back to sleep I heard distant explosions. The windows were shaking. I was sure that this is it, Hizballah are attacking Tel Aviv - the pattern of the explosions was different from the Hamas pattern I was used to. Hamas rockets come in groups - you hear four or five booms in a row, then quiet, then more booms, and this lasts a few minutes and then stops for an hour or so. But this was different. This was one boom every few seconds and it went on and on. I was sure it was Hizballah. I checked my phone - but not the news! I didn't want to know. But I figured that if Tel Aviv was being bombed someone would write something on WhatsApp, like someone from Vocalocity would write something. Nothing. Yossi appeared to have been online so I felt like he must be ok, but I certainly couldn't sleep. My heart rate must have been through the roof. I put in my earphones and opened Netflix and binged whatever I could find. It didn't help, I could still hear the booms. This lasted until around 6am when the kids woke up. I don't remember if I got up with them or if I sent them to my parents' room.

For months Lavi kept asking when we're moving to the new house? We would have dinner there then drive back to my parents to sleep. At some point he got into his head that the kitchen was missing an oven and that's why we hadn't moved. Then the oven was put in and he would ask every day why we weren't sleeping there?

Eventually I felt like I couldn't live with my parents anymore. The house was set up, we all has beds or mattresses and we had a fridge and pantry and stovetop, so we moved in. It was December 19th and Yossi said he'd be coming home mid-January (at this point we knew that the army was releasing soldiers from the northern front. We knew it would be a short break). December 19th we slept in our new house, each in our own room which was very strange, then on the 20th Yossi said he was coming home the next day. On the 20th at night we got the news about Lior Sivan. All night I could hear the mosque from the next hill over. Every noise woke me up.

The war became a routine. Turns out people can get used to anything.

Trump's Plan

I've seen so many interesting takes on Trump's plan for Gaza, I figure I'd add a take of my own to the mix:

First of all, the plan is more of less to make Gazans leave Gaza, mostly to Jordan or Egypt, and for the USA to take over the Gaza Strip. So thoughts:

Against:

1. I can't help it, I'm a leftist. I don't want my nation to be responsible for forcing people out of their homes. It's horrible that we've destroyed their homes already, but forcing them to leave feels wrong. I would hate to have to leave my home - I love my community and I've put effort into building a house that I want to live in, and of course my family needs stability. I'd hate for it to happen to me and I don't want to do it to other people.
2. Moving the Gazans to Jordan and Egypt doesn't solve the problem, it only moves the problem somewhere else. In fact, it's more dangerous because Jordan and Egypt have longer borders with Israel, which makes them more of a threat. And yes, even though most Gazans are not directly affiliated with Hamas, they still probably believe that my country should cease to exist. Honestly Jordan is already mostly Palestinian so they might be ok, but Egypt has been working so hard to avoid being taken over by the Muslim Brotherhood and if you add a million more people who support Muslim Brotherhood ideologies to the mix then Egypt could easily become another Islamist state. Obviously that's bad for us.
3. What about Hamas and PIJ?
4. Do we really want the USA on our border? I mean sure, it would be nice to own a Starbucks Gaza City mug, but other than that they'd ruin the place. American pollution and consumerism is not something I want to import to the Middle East, thank you very much.
5. Also, America is getting kind of unstable. To me at least it's pretty clear that they're heading toward a civil war, and maybe soon the 50 states will split into two separate countries (red and blue or something like that). I don't need another unstable country on my borders.

Why do I think Trump's speech was a good idea?

1. He's making a big statement and we know him well enough to know he could mean it. That's enough to shuffle the cards a bit, which is good because right now we're stuck and need something radical to change the direction of this war.
2. He created a new card for Israel, which is pretty cool. Hamas carry the hostages card, which is huge, and Israel's cards are starting to look insignificant - we need more cards to use. (*I'll add that Israel's cards are not insignificant, but Hamas makes them look unimportant. Humanitarian aid, bombing Gaza, blocking the way from south to north, blocking the Egyptian border, actual soldiers on the ground - in theory these should be things that are choking Hamas, but they don't seem to be pressuring them.)

Anyway it's not going to happen, but it's interesting to see how people are reacting.

Israel's Fourth Quarter

Do you also have intense arguments in the shower? In your head with an imaginary person, obviously.

I don't sing in the shower, I argue. And I always have time to make a full point, and I'm always well articulated and I certainly win. Sometimes I imagine a specific person, it helps if I already know what they think about the subject. Sometimes I'm on a podium shouting into the street. I guess if I wrote my opinions on social media it would be the same thing? But I don't, I barely write them here :)

So my most recent argument has been about the essence of "Q4," which is a movement I joined that's meant to try to ensure Israel's sovereignty for the next quarter of a century. And I think it's so important and I need people to know. Here's why.

*Why am I writing it down? Because maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are points I haven't thought about and information I don't know that will make me see things differently? If you have any such information, then please provide!

**What are my sources? Mostly podcasts. I listen to Israeli and American, and some other international, mostly about politics and the middle east, and mostly liberal. I tried listening to a conservative episode once and it was really annoying... But I guess I learned a lot from it and I should do that more. (Ok it was Ben Shapiro, more on him soon.)

We Israelis know that many people (/countries/organizations/movements) want Israel to cease to exist as a sovereign state. Like, no more Israeli government. No more Jewish state. The Palestinians, for one, haven't even accepted that the state exists even though it's been around for 76 years. The trouble is that they have a precedent. Two precedents: twice in Jewish history did the Jews have sovereignty in this land and both times the sovereignty ended after about 70-80 years. The first was at the time of King Solomon, where the empire fell apart when it split into two kingdoms (one was Solomon's son and the other came from outside the royal family). The second was the Hashmonian rule during the second temple, which fell apart when the Romans conquered Jerusalem (sometime after Jesus was crucified). And now, the third sovereignty is at risk.

But there are many ways to take down an empire! One way is to literally claim their land in a war, but the Arabs have tried that several times and it doesn't seem to be working. So let's think of other ways: internal fighting, like a civil war or some sort of betrayal? Like someone assassinates a leader and the country falls into chaos. Or maybe a country runs into financial problems and that's how it falls apart. If you want to bring down an empire today you would shoot in all directions:

• Cut off financial ties. This could potentially bring down an economy.
• Weaken their allies. If the USA can longer provide ammunition to Israel then Israel is more likely to lose a war.
• Shame them. If other countries think they're not worth interacting with, then they'll eventually keep them from entering their country, cut off business ties, things like that. UN and ICJ resolutions are one way to do this.
• All of the above: convince young people in other countries that this country should cease to exist, and they'll do all the work for you once they become leaders in 20 years. If you have patience, which the Arabs do, this can work.
• Cause a civil war. This one is interesting, because how exactly do you cause a civil war in another country? Well, get creative. Use media? Get people stressed and anxious enough that it happens on its own?

So the civil war part is the one I want to address, because I feel like we can do something about that. That's also the most dangerous one in my opinion. And that's what "Q4" are doing. So what exactly is Q4?

Well, it's a social movement. It's about getting people to talk about the things they disagree about, until they can reach some sort of understanding. There are meetings where we pick a topic to discuss, sometimes in big groups and sometimes with just one other person. Sometimes we're given a topic. We're always taught how to have a constructive argument, because that's key.

And then there's the political part: it's not a political movement, as in it's not affiliated with any particular party or politician. That's important. But it does want to affect politics because there's only so much you can do with grassroots. So Q4 takes people from all over Israeli society and puts them together to discuss actual political issues and try to come up with a solution that can work across the board. For instance, the current crisis between the Knesset and the Supreme Court. It's evident to just about everyone that the current system isn't working. Maybe the laws are bad, maybe the court isn't working like it should, or maybe the laws are ok but we just don't trust the decision makers any more. In any case, we need to fix this. So Q4 is writing up what they call the new set of rules. It's fascinating.

This is what I call being a part of the solution, so I recommend.

Real questions

Real questions in no particular order:

1. If America (USA) is no longer a superpower, how would that actually affect Americans?

I imagine it would mean they could travel to fewer places, and maybe English wouldn't be such a popular international language? And prices would go up for everything I guess. What else?

2. What is liberalism?

Obviously this is a question I could answer by reading up on it. Same for Marxism.

3. How do empires fall?

I need to learn more about empires in history and how they came to an end.

4. Why don't more Americans vote independent? Like, why choose one of two (awful) options?

The point is that I'm really trying to understand why Americans think and act the way they do. I feel like Israelis are so focused on the war right now that we're not looking at the bigger picture, which is really important. The bigger picture has to do with how power shifts in the world and how sovereign nations can lose sovereignty. The bottom line for Israel is that we need unity and we need allies, and I'm pretty sure that's the bottom line for America. But do the American people realize that?

Alcohol??

Ok confession time: I've been eating a lot of sugar. Like, way too much. While Yossi was in miluim I'd end every day with ice cream, and most of what I ate during the day was cake and cookies. (My amazing neighbors would bring over all sorts of baked goods, it was wonderful! But you know, not healthy.)

So one evening I'm staring into my open fridge and thinking that I really need to stop with the sugar, right? So I was wondering what I should replace it with, and for a second I was like, ooh, what about wine? And it actually took me a few seconds to remember that alcohol is not a healthy addiction either 😂😂😂

Testimonies

So for a long time I avoided reading, hearing, and seeing anything that happened on October 7th 2023. But tonight I went to Jerusalem to hear a couple from Beeri talk about their experience.

It was a talk organized by Q4 הרבעון הרביעי, which is an excellent organization that I've been taking part in. It took place on King George street right next to where the protests take place, the idea being that people can come listen after joining the protest.

The crazy part is that this was the first time I've actually heard firsthand about anything that happened. I guess I was just too preoccupied with Lebanon and didn't have the headspace? Like, whatever happened has already happened, there will be time to learn about it later. Yossi is on the Lebanese border and that's what matters to me right now. Anyway next I need to go to the hostage square in Tel Aviv.

I need some time to process the actual talk before I write about it.

Words

Words that people (on the internet) use which immediately make me question their trustworthiness:

Colonialist

משיחי

Ethnic cleansing

Genocide (or my favorite: "genocidal")

And honestly it doesn't matter who's saying it. These words just make you look cheap, you know?

Effects of War

 Besides for death and destruction and anxiety, here are some effects of war that aren't obvious:

1. Asking people how they're doing and really meaning it.

2. No GPS, reading actual maps in advance to know where you need to go.

3. Everyone's just so vulnerable. It's pretty normal to see someone holding back tears randomly on the street.

4. Fewer wireless microphones. No joke! My acapella group will be performing next week, we were going to use cordless mics but there are 30 of us and it turns out we can't go cordless because there aren't enough available frequencies. As in, the frequencies are being used for the war.

5. Also, I've been yelling at my kids more than I should. At this point I'm sure it'll affect their development down the road.

6. Divorces. Or at least separations. I keep hearing of more couples who just aren't managing to hold it together - the stress is too high, or their experiences are so different and they just can't bridge the gap. I hope it's temporary, but people are going to need a lot of counseling in order to get through this.

I don't follow the news.

So how do I know what's happening?

It's a puzzle you can piece together from things you experience:

1. Lots of guys are being called up North? We're expecting a threat from Lebanon.

2. Planes are taking off to the east? They never do that, it's the direction of the wind. There must be rocket threat along the coast.

3. I go to Hod Hasharon and Waze says I'm in Beirut? We're expecting GPS-guided missiles from Lebanon. In Tel Aviv and Waze says I'm in Amman? We're expecting a threat from Iran (*or somewhere east of us).

4. Commercial flights over Givot Eden? Flying in Nothern Israel must not be safe, so flights are diverted in our direction. 

5. Also the opposite is true: news says that Iran will strike any day, but no update from the home front command? It's all talk. See, when there's a real threat you always get an update from the home front command.

I'm sure I'll think of more, I'll add them as I go.

How do you know my husband is off at war?

His side of the bed is just a mountain of clean laundry waiting to be folded.

"יורד מזמינות"

I'm having a new experience now. Most of my friends have already had this sometime during the war, but not me. Yossi's phone is disconnected until further notice.

Generally in war you want to keep your phone off so it can't be tracked. When the army first went into Gaza all the soldiers left their phones back in Israel and got them back when they came out. But since Yossi never left Israel he's had his phone the whole time - like at the beginning he was on the Lebanese border, so sometimes he didn't have reception, but most of the time I could reach him. Sometimes he was offline for a few hours at a time because they had some mission or activity, but it usually lasted less than a day. Then we he was in Gaza in the summer the IDF already had a proper base there so soldiers could keep their phones.

Now, for the first time, he's offline. It's been three days and it seems like it'll be at least a few more days, possibly weeks. For lots of my friends this was the experience at the beginning of the war. It must have been awful. In a weird way I'm ok with it - it's like it's out of my hands. No news is good news, I guess? What sucks is that the kids can't call him, and I know that for Lavi it's been really hard.

Then this morning I got a message from Yossi's friend from miluim, saying that he saw him and he looks good, and gave me a message from Yossi that he's doing ok and he loves me. Along with a picture - and he really does look good! And so now I'm not sure how I feel? Like, it's good to get a message, makes me feel like people care, and it's a relief to get good news. But now it's like, well how long will it be before I hear from him again?

Abba's Phone

Yossi has been offline since yesterday. I knew it was coming but I didn't explain it to the kids. Anyway today I took Lavi to pick up a package that Yossi ordered a while ago, and Lavi says, "Imma we should buy electricity for Abba!"

Me: What do you mean?

Lavi: We should buy him electricity so he can charge his phone at night and have battery in the morning.

I might have said "that's a really good idea!" But all I was thinking was how fucked up it is that my husband is away at war and the kids can't call him.

Dear Malcolm Gladwell

So Malcolm Gladwell has a podcast about Americans who have received the national medal of honor, and he tells war stories of bravery. And at the end of each episode he asks that if the listeners know a veteran they should send stories of bravery (and if you don't know a veteran you can send a story of a time bravery was contagious in your life). So I have lots of stories to tell.

Dear Malcolm,

I'm Alina, 34 years old, Israel. I've really been enjoying your podcast "Medal of Honor: stories of courage." As you probably know, my country has been at war for a year. It's discouraging and all-consuming, and listening to your podcast helps me keep a sense proportion because it's a reminder that all wars eventually end. It also makes me wonder what stories you'll tell about this war when you talk about it in twenty years. What will be the famous stories? Which stories will become movies? What events will become the 'untold' stories?

I'm writing because I know a veteran - my grandfather, Jack Halpert (who we called Zaidy) - who was an American Marine and fought in Japan in WWII. He passed away in 2003. He fought on Iwo Jima and had lots of war stories but I've only heard some of them. Anyway I have a story my grandmother told me from after the war: after Zaidy came home, he would meet up with his army buddies every so often - they became very close, as comrades do. Once he was at a bar with one of them (my grandmother couldn't remember his name, just the everyone called him "Junior"). The place was packed but they managed to get a seat at the bar, and at some point a man tapped Zaidy on the shoulder - the man couldn't reach the bar because the place was so busy so he handed Zaidy some cash and asked if Zaidy could please order him a beer, which he did of course. It happened to be a black man, and Junior was horrified that Zaidy would buy a beer for a black man. Junior left the bar and Zaidy never saw him again.

I don't know if that's a story of courage, but it's a story of humanity and it makes me proud to be the granddaughter of a man who saw all people as equal.

I was interested in the conversation with Meredith, which you added at the end of the season. It's interesting that you talk about war stories like something old and distant, but the truth is that people are people and the stories that happened then could easily happen now. Once many years ago I was fortunate to get invited to the Marine Corps Birthday Ball in Tel Aviv (every November the US Marines celebrate the establishment of the Marine Corps and have parties all over the world wherever Marines are stationed. I was in the IDF at the time serving in the foreign relations unit so I got an invite, it was pretty exciting). At the event an officer1 talked about twice in recent history when Americans went running to the recruitment offices - Pearl Harbor and 9/11. I'm sure if you asked any American before 9/11 if today, in 2001, seventeen-year-olds would be willing and able to go to war, they would laugh and say something about "today's spoiled kids." But those spoiled kids went, because people do crazy things when they meet crazy circumstances. And if the US suffered another attack today in 2024, people would go.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of courage this past year, because wars produce thousands of courageous moments. And still, people are people. I have many family members, friends, and neighbors in various combat units but I don't see them as heroes. I see them as devoted fathers and husbands who come home and immediately take the kids out to the park. Vulnerable people just like all of us.

As always, thank you for your fascinating insights,

Alina

In my mind

 In my mind I have conversations with the podcasts I listen to. Like, people say interesting things and I want to respond!

So this week I wrote to Adam Grant ("ReThinking"), because he used an example about Israel in a recent episode (an interview with Trevor Noah about context). It wasn't really about Israel, it was about the context of a tweet he wrote at the beginning of the war.

Next I want to write to Malcolm Gladwell, because he has a podcast about war heroes and I have lots to say about that!

I also want to make a reel for Shai Daviadi responding to his podcast "Here I Am." He actually suggested on Instagram that people respond with reels - I guess it boosts his exposure, which I'm happy to do. I just have to write out what I want to say.

Jewish Lightening Round

 In his new podcast, Prof. Shai Davidai does a lightning round at the end of every episode, and I want a go at answering his questions:

1. What is one thing people don't know about you?
• I get terrible anxiety, but it only really started when Lavi was born in 2019 so I haven't ever dealt with it properly.
2. What is one thing people don't know about the Jews?
• I live among Jews so I don't know what "people" think. Maybe people don't know our cultural history? Secular Jews might not even know. Judaism has two thousand years of history, literature, food, philosophy, music... It's a really fascinating and rich culture.
3. What's your favorite curse?
• Fuckeddy-fuck-fuck. I think I heard someone say that at summer camp when I was fifteen, like they were excited to be away from home and curse as much as they wanted, and I sort of adopted it. I hardly say it out loud, just to myself.
4. When was the last time you cried?
• In the shower the other day. Just a bit. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and kept thinking about how I'm failing my kids with every decision I make.
5. If you could have anyone over for shabbat dinner, from any time in history, who would it be?
• Good question. I have to think about that. Someone who's met lots of people of different sorts. Like Malcolm Gladwell or something.
6. Favorite holiday?
• I mean, Hanukka? It's the yummiest.
7. Least favorite holiday?
• Hmm the ones I spend at my in-laws?
8. When do you feel safest?
• It used to be my parents' house, but I was there on Oct 7th and all day long we could hear explosions, and it's been going on ever since. So not so safe anymore. Maybe now it's my own bedroom? When Yossi is home sleeping next to me.
9. When do you feel least safe?
• Driving on the highway, when I see suspicious things in the sky? Like trails that could only be left by rockets, or planes flying in the wrong direction. Knowing that if something falls on the road there's nothing I can do.
10. What gives you hope?
• The Israeli people. When I meet Israelis I get confident that we're going to be ok, because there are so many wonderful people here and this isn't just going to disappear. 

Anxiety is weird

On the one hand, I'm perfectly fine right now. I'm safe in my home, my family is here, I have food and water. I even have a bomb shelter equipped with some food, a first aid kit, and a battery-powered radio that can also charge phones.

On the other hand, we're fighting a war on six fronts (seven? I've lost count), it's violent and horrible and it's only getting worse. We're losing allies. We're going to lose sovereignty, and then what?

I'm thankful to be Canadian, at least I have somewhere to go.

What's actually stopping me from getting on a plane right now?

• Budget? Well, that's something that we can take care of
• The kids have camp? So what, they can leave
• Yossi has work? He can work from anywhere
• I have a beautiful new home that I'm putting so much effort into? Shame
• Lavi has tonsil surgery booked? We can do that in Canada. Also physio and everything else.

I really need some hope and optimism right now.

Father's Day 2024

 Nothing I can do will be enough to express my gratitude to Yossi on this year's father's day.

I know this will sound anti-feminist, but I think we've reached a point where fathers are the ones carrying the whole load again. Like we've come full circle. I know this isn't true for everyone, but in my marriage *he* does most of the work.

Full time job (gets paid more than me), and also home with the kids. Pick-up, drop-off, dinner, bath time, bedtime, going to the park. Cooking meals (he's a better cook than me), washing dishes, taking out the garbage. Calling the carpenter, setting the smart-home apps, calling the contractor, ordering furniture. And not to mention war. Going off to fight in a fucking war, bullets, missiles, watching people get injured, trauma, all around horrific experiences. Risking his life because he's a soldier and that's what you do.

Other fathers are great I'm sure, but no one else comes close.

Shadow of War

I've been thinking a lot about my great grandmother who was living in Berlin when WWII broke out. I wonder what her experience was like and if mine is similar?

I always learned about the war knowing that my great grandfather was in Poland when it started, and then he eventually travelled to Canada through Japan and met up with his wife and daughter Eva (my grandmother) in Vancouver in 1945. Six years. I know they were in touch, but how often? When they weren't in touch, how did my great grandmother feel? Did my grandmother know what was going on? Did she miss her father? 

When the war started I'm sure that people in Berlin felt safe. Germany invaded Poland, so the war was happening in Poland. Berlin was fine. Sure, there was antisemitism, but no one thought it would be physically unsafe for Jews to go on living in Germany. I'm sure it was scary to know that there was a war, but they all probably thought it wouldn't last long. And then as Germany invaded more and more countries and other countries started fighting back it probably got scarier. But people couldn't believe that there would be another big war so soon after the Great War -- it was still fresh in most people's memory! Just like most people today remember 9/11 very well. And even once it became clear that this was a world war, I'm sure no one thought it would go on for so long. People probably had an idea in their mind that it would be less than four years, because the last war lasted four years and this can't possibly be worse than that!

Imagine how anxious my great grandmother must have been. Her partner was on the run. At some point she decided to move to London with my grandmother. What made her decide to move? How bad do things have to get before you decide to leave your home and your partner and go to a foreign country? How often were they in touch then? Did she accept that she had to parent alone? Did she have support from family or a community? I'm sure she never imagined that it would be six years before she'd be reunited with her husband. That's a long time to hold your breath. How did she cope? I bet she felt guilty about leaving him, about taking her daughter away from home. And when they left London for Vancouver that could not have been an easy decision to make. Did she think she'd move back to Berlin one day? Back to London? Did she mean to leave Europe forever? And when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, did she feel safe in Vancouver?

It's one thing to look at the outcome, at how they all survived and built themselves a beautiful life in Vancouver, but what about the process? Living with this much uncertainly is horrible, sometimes it's like I can't breathe.

And what about me? Do I stay here in Israel with the kids? Might they be safer somewhere else? I couldn't possibly leave Yossi here, but every time I think about European Jews in the holocaust I wonder why they didn't just leave? Eventually it was too late to leave, they were trapped in ghettos or else other countries just wouldn't take them in, but at the beginning of the war they could still leave and they chose to stay. Now I understand why. We have a beautiful new house that holds so much hope for the future, but not if it's going to be bombed or attacked. We live right next to the security fence, which until eight months ago wasn't a problem but now it's very worrying. Are we the next Nir Oz? Do we need to fear rockets from Surif?

So I put myself in my great grandmother's shoes and I wonder if I have the courage to do what she did. Maybe everything will be fine and my family will stay here and still survive this? What about my marriage? I never thought I'd have to ask myself these questions.

Sinwar's Plan

 A lot of people are trying to guess what Sinwar's plan was. I think lots of those theories are correct. So what was his plan?

First of all, we know his goal. It's to end the Jewish sovereignty of Israel. It's the purest form of anti-Zionism; like he doesn't want the state of Israel to exist as a sovereign entity at all. And he's patient -- he knows it might not happen right away, but it's still his goal.

He knows he can't achieve that with weapons alone, so what can he do? Well first, if enough countries join him in the war then he might have enough weapons. He can join Hizballah, Iran, and the Houthis, who all have the same goal. Thankfully many other Arab nations who used to have that goal, don't anymore. So we're relatively lucky there. But still, it worked for him. They all joined. But as of May they aren't using their full power, so what will it take to make them use all their power against Israel? Maybe the part he didn't anticipate was Biden's "Don't" speech. Biden knew exactly was Sinwar wants and that speech was probably the smartest thing he could do.

*Just to be clear - I think many people around the world thought that Oct 7 was about the Palestinians. We Israelis knew that it was part of a much bigger picture, but it wasn't clear to everyone (it still isn't). So I'm really glad Biden caught on right away.

But say Hamas can't get rid of Israel with war alone, where does the plan go from here? Well to get rid of Israel they'd have to delegitimize the country completely. Turns out there are lots of ways to delegitimize a country, and unfortunately they're all underway.

1. World opinion. Well this one's easy - just show pictures of suffering Gazans on the news. Horrific numbers of civilian deaths. Let social media do the rest. As Netanyahu put it: "for Hamas, civilian deaths aren't a tragedy -- they're a strategy."

2. Legal action. Get Israel leadership to be charged with breaking international law. If the war is unlawful, Israel loses its credibility. Hamas can help further this cause by making sure that civilians die -- they can build bases and offices underneath hospitals, for instance, or stop food and water from getting to refugees.

3. Isolation. This one is on its way too. At first the USA was right here with us, but as time goes on we're losing the support of our biggest ally. Most of Europe is still on our side, but even that won't last forever. At this point there are protests all over American campuses and it looks like the American society is more split than ever. It's only a matter of time until things get violent, and if America has a civil war then it's going to forget about Israel.

4. Israeli civil war. It doesn't even have to be a war, just enough of a divide that the country basically falls apart. Hamas doesn't have to lift a finger, this might happen on its own.

Once they achieve all that, maybe some Iranian nuke can finish us off, and maybe it won't have to.

I think that's where we're going. I want to be optimistic but it's getting really really hard. I know exactly what Sinwar's plan was and it's going even better than he imagined.