I wonder... What's worse-- bringing back the past, or ignoring it?
Like, it's probably best to ignore it: whatever happened, happened, and it can't be changed. It's like, the dirt finally settled-- why bother kicking it up again? You turn over a new leaf and start fresh.
On the other hand, what if you bring it back? You have the chance to take care of any unresolved issues, and then possibly re-end the past in a much better light. But that's taking a chance-- what if bringing it back only makes it worse?
Is it a chance worth taking? Can it get any worse than it was? (Well, the answer to that is an obvious "yes".)
Like, it's probably best to ignore it: whatever happened, happened, and it can't be changed. It's like, the dirt finally settled-- why bother kicking it up again? You turn over a new leaf and start fresh.
On the other hand, what if you bring it back? You have the chance to take care of any unresolved issues, and then possibly re-end the past in a much better light. But that's taking a chance-- what if bringing it back only makes it worse?
Is it a chance worth taking? Can it get any worse than it was? (Well, the answer to that is an obvious "yes".)
posted by Leenie ;-) at 9:48 pm
11 Comments:
it happend let it end, its not worthet, but maybe it dint end n u but u just tell yourself it did cuz its easyer that way...
yeah, it is easier that way.
conclusion: bringing it back helps goosegg. nil. zero. nothing. gurnischt. done.
unless the past was something so br8 that giving it another chance just might pay off
Nope, u were right before. I guess I'm talking about bringing UP the past, not bringing it BACK. Bringing it up has too much potential to mess it up all over again..
Oof, I really don't know what to do. I don't mean to rant, but after all, this IS my blog... So I'll write this as a comment instead of an actual post... I'd rather put more meaningful things on it, but I just have to write what's been going through my head... Which, of course, changes every few minutes...
See, I hadn't spoken to Toby for about a month. But he wanted 2 talk 2 me. I don't know what he was expecting to hear, but I guess if I was in his position I'd also want to know what I was thinking about what happened. So I spoke to him and told him what I was thinking-- god, what a mistake. All I could think of telling him was that I regreted everything that had happened between us, and didn't want to look back. It makes sense-- why should I want to hold on to it if the impression I got was that he wanted to forget? I know it's stupid and shallow, but he had erased whatever songs we dedicated to each other on Facebook and "how we know each other" and stuff like that-- and to me that meant that he wanted to erase me from his memory. All the more so when he asked Anna out about a week later. To me it seemed like he wanted to start fresh with Anna. Fine, that's legitimate.
I was really upset. I mean, yeah-- I broke up with him, but it still hurts to know that someone would rather forget about you! I wanted to apologize, I was so sorry for everything I did wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to do it-- I didn't want him to have to think about me or forgive me. In a sense I feel like I shouldn't be forgiven. Actually, it'll be easier for him to forget about me if he hates me, no? And I want him to forget, so he can be happy with Anna. (They deserve each other, in a good way.) So I didn't talk to him.
But then, about a week ago, he called me. I told him I was sorry, that I regreted everything, and that I hope he and Anna are happy (and I wasn't being sarcastic, that would be really low). Apparently, he didn't want to forget about me. Of course, he's right-- our friendship doesn't have to end just because he's with someone else. As it appeared later, he was evidently insulted by my reaction over the phone,-- I would be-- and erased me completely from his Facebook friends.. Yeah, yeah, I know it's not really that important, but since Facebook was the only way I was somehow in contact with him, it meant a lot to me.
So what now? Since I spoke to him I thought a lot about what he said.. Seems it would have been better if I'd just apologized sooner. Before, I was kinda disgusted by what he did even thought I understood it, and also disgusted by what I did for that matter, and now I understand what happened and I'm only disgusted by me.
I should apologize, right? I really should, I hate knowing that I hurt someone in some way and did nothing about it. But what to say?? Like, if I'm that sorry about what I said, why did I say it in the first place?? I'm either very fickle and can't decide if I want to be nice or not, or I'm a hypocrite.
But I really am sorry.
I don't like the person I turned out to be and I would really like to do something about it. In some way, I really want him to read this comment, but what if I said something wrong here? I can't tell anymore.
Hope it makes sense. If not, it's probably because I've picked my brain apart and didn't put it back together properly.
Its nice to read something written with honosty as its hard to come by :-)
Apolagising to a guy you dumped will make him hate you so much more than if you just leave it be
and truth be told it dosent sounds like sucha big deal... so u dumped him , end of story , why does he have to go cry about it (by erasing you)
your not meant for each other so why do you care? theres so much more imprtant things happening in your life , this should not be a concern of yours
about hurting him,
look at it diffrently , its not leenie that hurt him its the girl he went out with that hurt him ... even had he gone out with someone else he would be hurt , its not u that hurt him its the girl in u and that could have happened with anyone ... with those kinds of odds i wouldent feel a need to apolagise
Its all about the mindset...
Don't listen to those anonymous people! I think it's absolutely horrible it ended this way, and I totally think you should apoligize. This is obviously a big misunderstanding! Let's look at the events that you said happened:
(A) Something happened that made me want to regret everything that happened between me and Toby.
(B) I spoke to him and told him what I was thinking. All I could think of telling him was that I regreted everything that had happened between us, and didn't want to look back.
- Notice the words in bold
(C) He had erased whatever songs we dedicated to each other on Facebook and "how we know each other" and stuff like that... he asked Anna out about a week later.
- He obviously thought that you wanted to forget and erase it, and didn't do it out of anger. As you said later: "Apparently, he didn't want to forget about me". Then you misunderstood him and thought his intentions were just to forget about you out of anger...
(D) I didn't talk to him.
(E) He called me. I told him I was sorry, that I regreted everything, and that I hope he and Anna are happy.
and (F) he was evidently insulted by my reaction over the phone,-- I would be-- and erased me completely from his Facebook friends.
Why was he insulted? Maybe he thought you were being sarcastic? But doubtful.
What I see from your call is that he apperently still thought you wanted to forget about the relationship and is just doing what you want by erasing you from his life. (This really reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind :) )
Anyways, even if he did it purposely (not because he misunderstood you) it's really a shame you're not friends anymore (at least not on facebook) and I think it's important that you talk to him again and tell him how you feel. You really did nothing wrong in these events, and if he feels offended you should ask him why.
If this still doesn't work, show him this page! It really reflects your point of view, and if I can't find something you did wrong, he won't either. Don't worry about if something's wrong, because it can't really get any worse. You're already out of contact. Basically, you just have to renew this friendship!
Guess it really was an unfortunate chain reaction... Looks like it's just a mess of one of us believing the other wanted 2 4get, and it just went on and on.. (Sounds kinda like "Therapy" from Tick Tick Boom)
Chances are he did think I was being sarcastic when I said that I hope he & Anna are happy. But I imagine that the last straw was when I said that "I regret everything". Regret means that--not only do I want to forget-- but I wish it hadn't happened in the first place. That's where the misunderstanding was: I regret, because I feel like during the whole episode I became a person I really don't want to be. Normally, I really try to get along with people, but I was acting like the biggest bitch on the planet. He must have understood from what I said that I regreted the whole connection, and the time we spent 2gether. Bottom line: It's not the relationship I regret, it's the result. (I only really felt regret when he started dating Anna, not beforhand.)
(When he called, he probably wanted to hear that I miss him, or something. Did he really think I did? Did he believe for a minute that, if I did, I would SAY so???)
Worst part really, is that I havn't been in touch with Anna for over a month now.
Wait, you mean you're not facebook friends with her either? Then you can send them a facebook message. I'm sure one of them will read it.
It looks like you know what to write: make it VERY CLEAR this time, maybe send a link to this page.
You can't just give up on a relationship like that... don't let this misunderstanding just destroy your friendship! Write a post about it when you have your friends back :)
I thought I should mention this: the exact same day I wrote that last comment (May 5) my girlfriend broke up with me (I swear everything here is true). Here is part of the e-mail:
"If you care enough to ask me now what you can do to keep me from saying goodbye, I am sad to tell you that I have considered everything and it is too late. Any attempt to go back to being the guy you were that I liked so much will be ineffective because I now know it is forced and that you are not happy being him. If your next question is "Will we remain friends?", I must find the courage within me to tell you that no, we probably won't talk for a long time, if ever."
Sound familiar? I thought a lot about what happened to you and I really didn't want to deal with that, so I tried my hardest to think what went wrong and what I can do to get her back. But I was pretty sure it was hopeless (that's what she said in the e-mail).
The whole next day I didn't talk to her out of uncertainty of what to say (And I just didn't have time). The day after I didn't either, until she sent me an sms. Not having the room to write a proper reply, I urged her to call me.
When she did, I explained my side and it turns out the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, an unfortunate chain reaction, and now we're back together again :). How's your story going?
Wow, I'm really glad it worked out for you in the end! Misunderstandings can happen so easily, it's scary..
I saw them last week-- they were working backstage at a show my sister was in. We even acknowledged each others' existance, it was quite a relief. I may see them again in a few weeks. I know I should really talk to them, sooner than later, but I've also learnt that I have to be extremely careful about what I say and how I say it.. I don't want this to be a never-ending soap opera. I believe there's still hope :-)
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